1 00:00:01,535 --> 00:00:03,471 You're only going to take off a quarter-inch on the sides, 2 00:00:03,504 --> 00:00:05,306 leave the top and just clean up the back. 3 00:00:05,339 --> 00:00:07,708 LOIS: Reese, I've done this a million times. 4 00:00:07,741 --> 00:00:09,810 (grunts) 5 00:00:09,843 --> 00:00:11,745 Mom, look. I just ripped 6 00:00:11,779 --> 00:00:13,047 my brand-new shirt 7 00:00:13,081 --> 00:00:14,482 sneaking into the reservoir-- 8 00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:16,917 that place you clearly ordered me never to go. 9 00:00:16,950 --> 00:00:18,986 I don't know why I do these things 10 00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:20,521 that are so infuriating to you, 11 00:00:20,554 --> 00:00:23,357 but the funny thing is, I don't even care. 12 00:00:23,391 --> 00:00:25,393 Damn it, Dewey, go to your room! 13 00:00:26,727 --> 00:00:28,429 Let's get this over with! 14 00:00:28,462 --> 00:00:31,932 No, Mom! Count to ten! Count to ten! 15 00:00:31,965 --> 00:00:35,569 ♪ Life is unfair. 16 00:00:37,605 --> 00:00:39,006 Tomorrow's Thanksgiving. 17 00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:40,541 I'll tell you what I'm thankful for. 18 00:00:40,574 --> 00:00:43,511 I finally made friends with some normal kids at school. 19 00:00:43,544 --> 00:00:44,912 Normal kids. 20 00:00:44,945 --> 00:00:46,514 We've been hanging out here all afternoon, 21 00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:48,382 and nobody's mentioned grass allergies 22 00:00:48,416 --> 00:00:49,550 or pollen count. 23 00:00:49,583 --> 00:00:52,253 Malcolm, I never noticed what nice eyes you have. 24 00:00:52,286 --> 00:00:53,954 Really? Kirsten Stuart. 25 00:00:53,987 --> 00:00:56,224 I think she likes me, but I can never be sure. 26 00:00:56,257 --> 00:00:57,758 Yeah, I guess I was distracted 27 00:00:57,791 --> 00:01:00,027 by your freakishly large head. 28 00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:02,763 Mostly 'cause of stuff like that. 29 00:01:02,796 --> 00:01:04,098 Hey, guys, I've got to go. 30 00:01:04,132 --> 00:01:06,234 Hey, party at my house, Thanksgiving. 31 00:01:06,267 --> 00:01:08,436 Three cases of beer. No one's leaving till their gone. 32 00:01:08,469 --> 00:01:09,803 Your parents are out of town? 33 00:01:09,837 --> 00:01:10,971 No. 34 00:01:11,004 --> 00:01:13,741 Oh, sweet. Yeah, of course. 35 00:01:16,677 --> 00:01:18,179 Cute butt. 36 00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:21,382 Why'd you have to spoil it? 37 00:01:21,415 --> 00:01:23,284 I know what she's trying to do. 38 00:01:23,317 --> 00:01:25,453 She's trying to confuse me, throw me off balance. 39 00:01:25,486 --> 00:01:27,588 But you know what? It's not going... 40 00:01:33,827 --> 00:01:35,163 Reese! 41 00:01:35,196 --> 00:01:36,664 Grab an apron. 42 00:01:36,697 --> 00:01:38,899 It's 6:30 in the morning. 43 00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:40,234 Yes, I know. 44 00:01:40,268 --> 00:01:41,735 That means I have exactly 12 hours left 45 00:01:41,769 --> 00:01:44,104 to create the most fantastic Thanksgiving feast 46 00:01:44,138 --> 00:01:45,839 in the history of Thanksgiving feasts. 47 00:01:45,873 --> 00:01:47,107 What's with the sheets? 48 00:01:47,141 --> 00:01:48,342 I can't cook with distractions. 49 00:01:48,376 --> 00:01:49,610 I don't think that's... 50 00:01:49,643 --> 00:01:51,078 Dad, remember the chocolate soufflé 51 00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:52,680 I made for Thanksgiving two years ago? 52 00:01:52,713 --> 00:01:54,081 Oh, yeah. That was... 53 00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:55,616 Rat puke compared to what I have planned! 54 00:01:55,649 --> 00:01:57,751 The crepes I made last Thanksgiving? 55 00:01:57,785 --> 00:01:59,119 Ooh, they were... 56 00:01:59,153 --> 00:02:01,522 Crap next to what we're having tonight! 57 00:02:01,555 --> 00:02:03,524 Don't think of this as a meal. 58 00:02:03,557 --> 00:02:06,126 This is going to be like eating the Mona Lisa. 59 00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:09,297 Reese, I hardly think you can comp... 60 00:02:10,030 --> 00:02:11,599 Oh, my God. 61 00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:13,000 What do you need? 62 00:02:13,033 --> 00:02:14,502 Your mindless, robot-like obedience 63 00:02:14,535 --> 00:02:16,537 to every demand I make-- no matter how small. 64 00:02:16,570 --> 00:02:18,939 Plus, we get to eat anything that falls on the floor. 65 00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:20,541 Ooh! 66 00:02:20,574 --> 00:02:22,843 I'm going over to Dylan's. I'll be back by dinner. 67 00:02:22,876 --> 00:02:24,645 Dylan-- whom I've never met because you're afraid 68 00:02:24,678 --> 00:02:26,847 to have me find out what a bad choice he is as a friend? 69 00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:29,283 He's okay, Mom. There's going to be other kids from school there. 70 00:02:29,317 --> 00:02:31,285 It's sort of like a party. I really want to go. 71 00:02:31,319 --> 00:02:33,821 Well, your family is having sort of like a party, too. 72 00:02:33,854 --> 00:02:36,156 It's called Thanksgiving. Now, it's true we're 73 00:02:36,190 --> 00:02:38,226 not a bunch of friends you just met last week. 74 00:02:38,259 --> 00:02:39,993 We're only the people who have sacrificed our lives 75 00:02:40,027 --> 00:02:41,562 for years so that you could have a home. 76 00:02:41,595 --> 00:02:43,664 I'll only be gone a couple hours, okay? 77 00:02:43,697 --> 00:02:45,899 You mean like the couple of hours you were jammed 78 00:02:45,933 --> 00:02:48,969 half-in and half-out of me when you were being born? 79 00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:51,239 Half an hour? I just don't understand 80 00:02:51,272 --> 00:02:53,641 what is so horrible about our family. 81 00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:55,042 Yes, she does. 82 00:02:55,075 --> 00:02:57,311 I mean, why on earth would you prefer 83 00:02:57,345 --> 00:02:58,679 to be somewhere else 84 00:02:58,712 --> 00:02:59,847 for Thanksgiving? 85 00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:01,315 I love her! 86 00:03:01,349 --> 00:03:03,884 And if the two of you are too dead inside 87 00:03:03,917 --> 00:03:06,920 to understand what that means, then I just pity you. 88 00:03:08,722 --> 00:03:13,060 (voice breaking): No, no, Dad, I understand. 89 00:03:13,093 --> 00:03:16,564 When you get a new toothbrush and you want to break it in... 90 00:03:22,236 --> 00:03:24,272 Go ahead and say it, Lois. 91 00:03:24,305 --> 00:03:27,708 Well, happy Thanksgiving. 92 00:03:27,741 --> 00:03:30,077 I'll just go over there and tell them I'm not coming. 93 00:03:30,110 --> 00:03:31,211 Do whatever you want. 94 00:03:31,245 --> 00:03:32,680 Even though your brother has 95 00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:34,915 traveled hundreds of miles with her. 96 00:03:34,948 --> 00:03:37,017 Piama. I know her name. 97 00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:38,686 Your family is going to be here, 98 00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:41,121 and we are going to have a lovely Thanksgiving. 99 00:03:41,154 --> 00:03:42,856 FRANCIS: I will not keep my voice down! 100 00:03:42,890 --> 00:03:44,558 What, you think they won't know in, like, five minutes 101 00:03:44,592 --> 00:03:46,026 that we're getting a divorce?! 102 00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:48,095 Sorry, we're having some problems. 103 00:03:48,128 --> 00:03:49,363 Having some problems? 104 00:03:49,397 --> 00:03:51,198 Is that what you call finding out 105 00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:53,701 that all the love that we shared was a lie?! 106 00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:54,902 Hi, Mom. 107 00:03:57,305 --> 00:04:00,207 Malcolm, you better go get your father. 108 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,242 Malcolm! 109 00:04:03,344 --> 00:04:04,712 This party's pretty cool. 110 00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:05,946 And, you know, 111 00:04:05,979 --> 00:04:07,415 I think I've figured Kirsten out. 112 00:04:07,448 --> 00:04:09,983 It's more of a friend-brother kind of thing. 113 00:04:10,017 --> 00:04:12,620 It's not really sexual. 114 00:04:15,022 --> 00:04:16,156 Then again... 115 00:04:16,189 --> 00:04:17,591 Beer man. 116 00:04:17,625 --> 00:04:20,428 My stepdad drinks so much, he never counts it. 117 00:04:20,961 --> 00:04:21,962 Malcolm? 118 00:04:21,995 --> 00:04:23,263 Yeah, sure. 119 00:04:23,297 --> 00:04:26,266 Yeah, sure. 120 00:04:28,436 --> 00:04:30,804 Hey, guys, how's it going? 121 00:04:30,838 --> 00:04:33,741 I need something to warm up that Arctic wind 122 00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:35,309 she's blowing up there. 123 00:04:35,343 --> 00:04:37,010 No offense to your mother. 124 00:04:37,044 --> 00:04:38,245 I love her very much. 125 00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:39,913 It's cool, Art. 126 00:04:39,947 --> 00:04:41,315 All right. You kids have fun. 127 00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:45,085 Somebody drop a beer? 128 00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:46,086 (laughter) 129 00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:47,154 Sorry. 130 00:04:47,187 --> 00:04:48,422 My parents are a little less casual 131 00:04:48,456 --> 00:04:49,790 about the whole beer thing. 132 00:04:53,394 --> 00:04:55,763 I bet you kiss like a nine-year-old. 133 00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:57,665 What? 134 00:04:57,698 --> 00:04:58,932 What? 135 00:04:58,966 --> 00:05:01,268 Okay, this one I do know what she was doing. 136 00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:02,770 It was a total come-on. 137 00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:04,972 I'll show her how a nine-year-old can kiss. 138 00:05:08,542 --> 00:05:10,310 Hey. 139 00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:21,355 FRANCIS: Don't tell me not to cry! 140 00:05:21,389 --> 00:05:23,056 Maybe my tears will make an ocean 141 00:05:23,090 --> 00:05:25,125 and you can sail off on a boat 142 00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:27,060 to a new life without me! 143 00:05:27,094 --> 00:05:29,329 How did this happen? It's terrible. 144 00:05:30,063 --> 00:05:31,699 What's that look, Hal? 145 00:05:31,732 --> 00:05:33,401 Come on, Lois. You've been trying 146 00:05:33,434 --> 00:05:35,569 to undercut this relationship from the start. 147 00:05:35,603 --> 00:05:37,505 And now all of a sudden, they're getting a divorce 148 00:05:37,538 --> 00:05:38,972 and you had nothing to do with it? 149 00:05:39,006 --> 00:05:41,709 Please. You really think I have that much power 150 00:05:41,742 --> 00:05:44,311 to orchestrate people's lives besides yours? 151 00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:46,079 All I know is that our son is talking 152 00:05:46,113 --> 00:05:47,247 about ending his marriage-- 153 00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:48,816 a marriage which you never supported. 154 00:05:48,849 --> 00:05:50,818 Hal, that's ridiculous. Fine, fine. 155 00:05:50,851 --> 00:05:52,753 You want me to go talk to Francis? 156 00:05:52,786 --> 00:05:54,354 Yes. No! 157 00:05:54,388 --> 00:05:56,824 No, no, no, no, no, no. 158 00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:59,860 This is some way for you to try to work out your agenda. 159 00:05:59,893 --> 00:06:02,095 Fine. I will not say a word to either one of 'em. 160 00:06:02,129 --> 00:06:03,230 Good. 161 00:06:03,263 --> 00:06:06,366 Wait. You won't say anything, 162 00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:08,101 which means you're just going to let 163 00:06:08,135 --> 00:06:09,603 this whole thing fall apart. 164 00:06:09,637 --> 00:06:11,505 Oh, I see your game, Lois. 165 00:06:11,539 --> 00:06:13,507 Hal, what is it you want me to do? 166 00:06:13,541 --> 00:06:15,008 No, no, you are not dragging me 167 00:06:15,042 --> 00:06:17,344 into your little Machiavellian schemes, thank you very much. 168 00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:21,048 No, you spun these tangled webs yourself, Lois. 169 00:06:21,081 --> 00:06:23,551 You get yourself out. 170 00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:25,886 See? 171 00:06:25,919 --> 00:06:27,555 The real balsamic has a smoother mouth feel. 172 00:06:27,588 --> 00:06:29,189 Good, you're back. 173 00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:31,024 I'm going to start prepping the herbs de Provence 174 00:06:31,058 --> 00:06:32,359 and sautéing the mushrooms. 175 00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:34,127 I need you to scrub these pots and pans again. 176 00:06:34,161 --> 00:06:35,095 What? 177 00:06:35,128 --> 00:06:37,097 No, I just finished those. 178 00:06:37,130 --> 00:06:38,699 Dad, look at this. 179 00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:41,401 The stubborn patina of tuna casserole, 180 00:06:41,435 --> 00:06:43,103 or enchilada loaf, 181 00:06:43,136 --> 00:06:44,738 or whatever in God's name 182 00:06:44,772 --> 00:06:47,441 this greasy spoon churns out night after soul-killing night. 183 00:06:47,475 --> 00:06:48,576 But not tonight. 184 00:06:48,609 --> 00:06:51,545 Tonight we go for greatness. 185 00:06:51,579 --> 00:06:52,780 Are you with me, Dad? 186 00:06:52,813 --> 00:06:53,647 No! 187 00:06:53,681 --> 00:06:55,483 This pot is clean enough, Reese. 188 00:06:55,516 --> 00:06:57,117 No one will taste this. 189 00:06:57,150 --> 00:06:58,752 All right, then. 190 00:06:58,786 --> 00:07:01,021 I guess no one will ever taste this! 191 00:07:05,192 --> 00:07:07,695 Oh, my God. 192 00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:13,100 Dewey, I need you to do something for me. 193 00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:14,134 No. No more. 194 00:07:14,167 --> 00:07:15,335 I'm sick of this. 195 00:07:15,368 --> 00:07:16,737 If I have to sculpt another radish 196 00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:18,138 or de-vein another prawn... 197 00:07:18,171 --> 00:07:20,240 Dewey, do you trust me? 198 00:07:20,273 --> 00:07:22,976 No. Do you fear me? 199 00:07:23,010 --> 00:07:24,578 No. Not in the long run. 200 00:07:24,612 --> 00:07:25,779 Come on, Dewey. 201 00:07:25,813 --> 00:07:27,581 It's just a couple of things I need 202 00:07:27,615 --> 00:07:29,483 that I couldn't get Dad to spring for. 203 00:07:29,517 --> 00:07:31,752 So here's $80 from Dad's wallet. 204 00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:34,321 The items on this list cost $240, 205 00:07:34,354 --> 00:07:36,590 so you'll have to turn on the cute. 206 00:07:36,624 --> 00:07:38,091 Can you handle it? 207 00:07:38,125 --> 00:07:39,960 I keep whatever's left over? 208 00:07:39,993 --> 00:07:40,994 Deal. 209 00:07:45,198 --> 00:07:46,466 Mom, can I talk to you? 210 00:07:46,500 --> 00:07:47,467 No, honey, please. 211 00:07:47,501 --> 00:07:49,002 Don't talk to me about this. 212 00:07:49,036 --> 00:07:50,771 No matter what I say, I'm going to be blamed. 213 00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:53,173 This is for you to work out with that woman. 214 00:07:53,206 --> 00:07:55,008 Piama. I know her name. 215 00:07:55,042 --> 00:07:56,644 Could you just listen to me for a second? 216 00:07:56,677 --> 00:08:00,614 If Piama and I ever were to get a divorce... 217 00:08:00,648 --> 00:08:02,115 Francis, don't even talk like that. 218 00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:03,150 I mean it. 219 00:08:03,183 --> 00:08:04,652 You really shouldn't. 220 00:08:07,087 --> 00:08:09,690 What were you going to say? 221 00:08:09,723 --> 00:08:13,293 If we ever were to split up, could I stay here for a while? 222 00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:16,830 God, Francis, I hate to even think of such a thing. 223 00:08:18,932 --> 00:08:22,670 But, yes, if such a terrible thing were to happen, 224 00:08:22,703 --> 00:08:24,805 of course, we'd be here for you. 225 00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:26,974 Thanks, Mom. I mean, it was 226 00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:29,476 a stupid fight, I guess, but it was emblematic 227 00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:31,679 of everything that was bad with the relationship. 228 00:08:31,712 --> 00:08:33,714 I mean, there are principles. Principles are important. 229 00:08:33,746 --> 00:08:36,316 I know. I mean, so what if I'd had a couple beers? 230 00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:41,354 How does it look in front of the guys if the woman's driving? 231 00:08:41,388 --> 00:08:42,722 What? 232 00:08:42,756 --> 00:08:44,491 She didn't care about my feelings at all. 233 00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:45,893 What?! 234 00:08:45,926 --> 00:08:47,494 What? 235 00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:49,663 Of all the idiotic, asinine things 236 00:08:49,697 --> 00:08:51,064 you have ever said, Francis, 237 00:08:51,098 --> 00:08:53,100 this has got to be one of the worst! 238 00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:54,167 I thought you were on my side. 239 00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:55,836 You don't have a side! 240 00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:58,171 Now, you are going to go and apologize to that woman. 241 00:08:58,205 --> 00:09:00,373 You are going to tell her that you are wrong 242 00:09:00,407 --> 00:09:02,075 and she is absolutely blameless. 243 00:09:02,109 --> 00:09:03,076 You really...? Go! 244 00:09:03,110 --> 00:09:04,778 Okay, okay. 245 00:09:07,715 --> 00:09:11,218 Yes, he is an idiot. 246 00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:14,187 Okay, Dad, get the bird. 247 00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:15,222 Here. 248 00:09:16,724 --> 00:09:18,626 What, this is the turkey you got? 249 00:09:18,659 --> 00:09:21,194 It's perfect. It's really small. 250 00:09:21,228 --> 00:09:22,696 Well, if it were any bigger, 251 00:09:22,730 --> 00:09:26,566 it wouldn't be able to fit inside of this! 252 00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:30,370 What? Y-You're going to put our dinner 253 00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:32,439 inside that monster? 254 00:09:32,472 --> 00:09:33,907 It's a monkfish. 255 00:09:33,941 --> 00:09:37,144 The juices of the monkfish will baste the turkey. 256 00:09:37,177 --> 00:09:39,980 The flavor from the turkey will saturate the fish, 257 00:09:40,013 --> 00:09:42,149 both melding into one fantastic dish. 258 00:09:42,182 --> 00:09:44,584 Reese, this doesn't seem like a good idea. 259 00:09:44,618 --> 00:09:47,054 I don't know, Dad. Maybe you're right. 260 00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:50,624 Maybe I have no idea what I'm talking about. 261 00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:55,562 Oh! Mmm! 262 00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:57,731 You know, that really shouldn't work. 263 00:09:57,765 --> 00:09:59,599 Listen, my ugly beauty. 264 00:09:59,633 --> 00:10:01,969 Yesterday you were sucking scum 265 00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:03,971 off the bottom of the sea. 266 00:10:04,004 --> 00:10:07,007 Tonight you're going to tango with the gods. 267 00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:12,846 Yes, master, I will be delicious for you. 268 00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:17,985 Okay, things have definitely been going better. 269 00:10:18,018 --> 00:10:21,088 I'm absolutely more or less sure she might like me... 270 00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:22,756 I think. 271 00:10:22,790 --> 00:10:26,193 Looks like you're behind the proverbial eight ball. 272 00:10:26,226 --> 00:10:28,261 Oh, geez, "proverbial?" 273 00:10:28,295 --> 00:10:29,997 Maybe she didn't notice. 274 00:10:30,030 --> 00:10:31,832 Malcolm, can you hand me the chalk? 275 00:10:31,865 --> 00:10:35,002 It's right there next to the proverbial cheese dip. 276 00:10:35,035 --> 00:10:35,869 Okay, okay. 277 00:10:35,903 --> 00:10:37,270 I know it was a little stilted. 278 00:10:37,304 --> 00:10:39,139 No, I thought it was right on the proverbial money. 279 00:10:39,172 --> 00:10:42,142 All right. Sorry. Did I hit the proverbial sore spot? 280 00:10:42,175 --> 00:10:44,344 You know, you may think that's flirting, but it's not. 281 00:10:44,377 --> 00:10:45,779 It's just hostility. 282 00:10:45,813 --> 00:10:49,850 No, I-I'm pretty sure it's flirting. 283 00:10:49,883 --> 00:10:51,151 Really? 284 00:10:51,184 --> 00:10:54,822 I guess I'm not as good at this as I thought. 285 00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:02,195 Before we're old? 286 00:11:09,036 --> 00:11:10,871 Son, these truffles are really expensive. 287 00:11:10,904 --> 00:11:13,306 And if you lost your money, it's really not my problem. 288 00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:14,808 But... (coughs) 289 00:11:14,842 --> 00:11:16,509 ...they told me to get truffles. 290 00:11:16,543 --> 00:11:19,012 I don't know why, but... 291 00:11:19,046 --> 00:11:20,547 (coughing) 292 00:11:20,580 --> 00:11:22,649 ...my parents tell me this is going to be 293 00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:25,218 a very special Thanksgiving. 294 00:11:25,252 --> 00:11:27,988 (choking up): My boss is a jackass anyway. 295 00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:30,991 Thank... (coughs) ...you. 296 00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:33,060 (hacking) 297 00:11:35,963 --> 00:11:37,664 I saw you talking to Francis, Lois. 298 00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:39,399 You couldn't stay out of it, could you? 299 00:11:39,432 --> 00:11:41,201 You had to drive a wedge. 300 00:11:41,234 --> 00:11:43,070 Hal, I told him that Piama was right 301 00:11:43,103 --> 00:11:45,205 and that he has to apologize to her. 302 00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:48,075 Okay. 303 00:11:48,108 --> 00:11:50,343 I'm not smart enough to figure out what you're up to, 304 00:11:50,377 --> 00:11:54,714 but when something bad happens, I am blaming you. 305 00:11:57,417 --> 00:11:59,286 Dad, what are these? 306 00:11:59,319 --> 00:12:00,520 Minced onions. 307 00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:02,289 Minced? I specifically 308 00:12:02,322 --> 00:12:03,556 asked for diced! 309 00:12:03,590 --> 00:12:04,858 Come on, Dad! 310 00:12:04,892 --> 00:12:06,526 Don't take that tone with me, Reese. 311 00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:07,627 This isn't fun. 312 00:12:07,660 --> 00:12:10,063 Fun? No, Dewey, this is not fun. 313 00:12:10,097 --> 00:12:11,865 Neither one of you seems to understand. 314 00:12:11,899 --> 00:12:13,433 We are not playing games here. 315 00:12:13,466 --> 00:12:14,868 There are lives at stake. 316 00:12:14,902 --> 00:12:15,936 No, there aren't. 317 00:12:15,969 --> 00:12:17,905 Okay, but it's very important. 318 00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:20,974 We're creating something special, something great... 319 00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:22,876 ...something beautiful. 320 00:12:22,910 --> 00:12:24,711 Why is my wallet in my other pocket? 321 00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:25,879 Can we stay focused, Dad? 322 00:12:25,913 --> 00:12:28,248 There was $80 in here. 323 00:12:28,281 --> 00:12:29,482 REESE: I had to! 324 00:12:29,516 --> 00:12:30,918 The cheese course was a joke. 325 00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:33,053 Reese, you are in big trouble. 326 00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:35,722 And you know what? I have had it with this. 327 00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:37,624 I'm through! 328 00:12:37,657 --> 00:12:39,426 With the helping part. 329 00:12:39,459 --> 00:12:41,061 I'm still doing the eating part. 330 00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:42,229 Fine, go. 331 00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:44,397 I don't need you. I still have Dewey. 332 00:12:44,431 --> 00:12:48,268 He's twice the assistant entremetier that you'll ever be! 333 00:12:54,808 --> 00:12:56,409 Why haven't you talked to her yet? 334 00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:58,478 She won't let me. Every time I go near her, 335 00:12:58,511 --> 00:13:00,280 she walks out of the room. 336 00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:08,188 Piama... I know 337 00:13:08,221 --> 00:13:10,157 that you and I have had our differences... 338 00:13:10,190 --> 00:13:12,759 Oh, you mean the cold, uncomfortable silences 339 00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:15,095 broken by the occasional veiled insult? 340 00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:17,330 I'm not sure I would have put it like that. 341 00:13:17,364 --> 00:13:19,332 Look. 342 00:13:19,366 --> 00:13:21,268 Here's what I want to say. 343 00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:22,769 I believe in marriage. 344 00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:24,938 I believe in every marriage. 345 00:13:24,972 --> 00:13:27,640 And I think if you just listen to Francis, 346 00:13:27,674 --> 00:13:29,242 you'll like what you hear. 347 00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:33,613 Fine. 348 00:13:33,646 --> 00:13:35,182 Francis. 349 00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:42,923 I'll just leave you two to talk. 350 00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:47,360 LOIS: You know what? 351 00:13:47,394 --> 00:13:50,230 I didn't want to butt in, but I'm glad I did. 352 00:13:50,263 --> 00:13:52,299 What did you do, Lois? I talked to Piama. 353 00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:53,700 At least she seemed interested in listening 354 00:13:53,733 --> 00:13:55,368 to what Francis had to say. 355 00:13:55,402 --> 00:13:57,570 He's going to tell her exactly what I told him to say. 356 00:13:57,604 --> 00:13:59,706 What business is it of yours 357 00:13:59,739 --> 00:14:01,374 if I don't want to wear thong underpants? 358 00:14:01,408 --> 00:14:02,475 What? 359 00:14:02,509 --> 00:14:03,510 Piama, I didn't get to finish. 360 00:14:03,543 --> 00:14:05,045 See what happens, Lois? 361 00:14:05,078 --> 00:14:07,580 I don't care what shape we cut the mushrooms! I quit! 362 00:14:07,614 --> 00:14:09,917 This is why you're always going to be a little man 363 00:14:09,950 --> 00:14:11,318 living in a little world! 364 00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:12,986 I don't need you! I don't need anyone! 365 00:14:13,020 --> 00:14:17,490 (all talking over each other) 366 00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:20,593 FRANCIS: This is the worst Thanksgiving ever! 367 00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:27,000 This is the best Thanksgiving ever. 368 00:14:27,034 --> 00:14:30,370 I'm going to memorize this moment so I never forget it. 369 00:14:35,976 --> 00:14:39,112 This is the best Thanksgiving ever. 370 00:14:39,146 --> 00:14:43,316 I'm going to memorize this moment so I never forget it. 371 00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:46,286 Where is everybody? 372 00:14:46,319 --> 00:14:48,188 Fireworks? 373 00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:49,756 Bastards. 374 00:14:49,789 --> 00:14:51,758 No one came and got us. 375 00:14:51,791 --> 00:14:53,160 Well, the hell with them. 376 00:14:56,796 --> 00:14:57,998 (giggles) 377 00:14:58,598 --> 00:15:00,700 Let me do the talking. 378 00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:03,103 Good evening to you, sir. 379 00:15:03,136 --> 00:15:03,903 Oh, hi. 380 00:15:03,937 --> 00:15:05,038 Where is everyone? 381 00:15:05,072 --> 00:15:07,474 Studying. Probably. 382 00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:08,641 That would be my guess. 383 00:15:08,675 --> 00:15:10,143 What, is he asleep? 384 00:15:10,177 --> 00:15:12,045 I think he ate too much turkey. 385 00:15:12,079 --> 00:15:14,047 All that kryptonite... 386 00:15:14,081 --> 00:15:15,215 There's pie upstairs. 387 00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:16,083 Thank you. 388 00:15:16,116 --> 00:15:17,750 That's a very generous offer. 389 00:15:17,784 --> 00:15:19,119 I know the pilgrims, 390 00:15:19,152 --> 00:15:21,388 you know, facing that first bitter cold winter, 391 00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:23,423 Malcolm, he's gone. really would have 392 00:15:23,456 --> 00:15:26,259 appreciated a little bit of pie. That might... Ow! 393 00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:34,434 I think I'm getting better at reading her signals. 394 00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:43,176 (snorts, snores) 395 00:15:47,714 --> 00:15:49,249 Are you okay? 396 00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:52,619 (giggling) 397 00:15:52,652 --> 00:15:55,455 ♪ I'm back. 398 00:15:56,456 --> 00:16:02,329 Come on... let's do it. 399 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:08,701 You gonna? 400 00:16:08,735 --> 00:16:10,403 I got to go. 401 00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:17,544 My brother will kick your ass if you tell. 402 00:16:23,150 --> 00:16:24,951 What is all this stuff? 403 00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:26,553 Piama, good, I need you. 404 00:16:26,586 --> 00:16:28,188 Here, stir this pot. 405 00:16:28,221 --> 00:16:30,123 All right, all right. 406 00:16:30,157 --> 00:16:32,359 I just have to stuff the acorn squash rings 407 00:16:32,392 --> 00:16:34,194 with roasted pepper and polenta, 408 00:16:34,227 --> 00:16:36,029 sear the scallops with... 409 00:16:36,063 --> 00:16:37,730 (buzzer buzzing) 410 00:16:37,764 --> 00:16:38,865 The monkfish! 411 00:16:38,898 --> 00:16:40,700 Where are the oven mitts?! 412 00:16:40,733 --> 00:16:41,801 You want me to look? 413 00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:43,303 No, keep stirring. 414 00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:46,239 No place mats, no tea towels... I need something. 415 00:16:46,273 --> 00:16:47,974 I'll get a towel from the bathroom. 416 00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:49,242 No, there's not enough time! 417 00:16:49,276 --> 00:16:51,478 It has to come out at exactly 5:38. 418 00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:53,546 Not 5:37, not 5:39. 419 00:16:53,580 --> 00:16:54,747 What are you going to do? 420 00:16:54,781 --> 00:16:57,517 There's only one thing I can do. 421 00:16:58,685 --> 00:16:59,652 Reese, no! 422 00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:00,687 Yes! 423 00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:02,089 (screaming) 424 00:17:02,122 --> 00:17:03,656 Clear me a space! 425 00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:04,656 Where?! 426 00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:06,593 Move the oven mitts! 427 00:17:13,633 --> 00:17:14,834 LOIS: Where is Malcolm? 428 00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:16,236 He knows he's supposed to be here. 429 00:17:16,269 --> 00:17:17,436 This is Thanksgiving. 430 00:17:17,470 --> 00:17:18,671 Yeah... 431 00:17:18,704 --> 00:17:21,508 he certainly wouldn't want to miss this. 432 00:17:21,540 --> 00:17:22,875 Well, I've done it. 433 00:17:22,909 --> 00:17:24,676 The feast is about to start. 434 00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:26,012 It's about time. 435 00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:27,079 I'm not even hungry. 436 00:17:27,114 --> 00:17:28,415 Can I be excused? 437 00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:43,062 (quiet oohing) 438 00:17:43,096 --> 00:17:44,631 LOIS: Oh, my... 439 00:17:44,664 --> 00:17:46,699 DEWEY: Wow. 440 00:17:46,733 --> 00:17:49,169 Mmm... 441 00:17:57,910 --> 00:17:58,945 PIAMA: Wow. Oh! 442 00:17:58,978 --> 00:18:01,781 REESE: The turkey monkfish. 443 00:18:01,814 --> 00:18:03,950 (laughter and applause) 444 00:18:03,983 --> 00:18:05,318 I'll say grace. 445 00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:09,889 Thank you, Lord, for giving me the talent 446 00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:13,059 to express my love for my family in the only way I know how. 447 00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:14,761 Amen. Amen. 448 00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:19,166 Hey, party people. 449 00:18:19,199 --> 00:18:21,067 Oh, my God, you're drunk! 450 00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:23,603 What on earth is wrong with you? 451 00:18:23,636 --> 00:18:27,574 I will tell you what is wrong with me, on earth. 452 00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:31,911 The reason why I drank is because I'm a coward, 453 00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:33,346 and probably gay. 454 00:18:33,380 --> 00:18:35,482 I let a perfect opportunity 455 00:18:35,515 --> 00:18:37,284 just slip right through my fingers, and, you know, 456 00:18:37,317 --> 00:18:38,985 I thought I'd cap it off 457 00:18:39,018 --> 00:18:40,753 by getting stinking drunk. 458 00:18:40,787 --> 00:18:44,023 What do you think of your golden boy now, Mom? 459 00:18:44,056 --> 00:18:46,293 What "golden boy"?! 460 00:18:46,326 --> 00:18:47,327 Get in your room! 461 00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:48,595 I'll deal with you later. 462 00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:50,597 I will go to my room 463 00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:51,598 when I am finished 464 00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:53,800 with what I have to say. 465 00:18:57,637 --> 00:18:58,938 (retching) 466 00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:01,474 (groaning in disgust) 467 00:19:02,675 --> 00:19:04,211 Hey, come on. 468 00:19:04,244 --> 00:19:05,812 Some of the shrimp is still good. 469 00:19:09,182 --> 00:19:12,118 I just left her there on the floor and staggered home. 470 00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:14,020 To shower us with affection. 471 00:19:14,053 --> 00:19:15,655 Yeah. 472 00:19:15,688 --> 00:19:18,124 Well, it's nothing to be ashamed of. 473 00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:20,527 I mean, sure, the distance wasn't much of a factor, 474 00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:22,195 but the volume was impressive. 475 00:19:22,229 --> 00:19:24,664 So you going to see this girl again? 476 00:19:24,697 --> 00:19:25,898 Are you kidding? 477 00:19:25,932 --> 00:19:27,400 I can't believe it. 478 00:19:27,434 --> 00:19:30,737 We were alone. She wanted to do it. 479 00:19:30,770 --> 00:19:32,339 I was right there. 480 00:19:32,372 --> 00:19:34,707 How could I have chickened out? 481 00:19:34,741 --> 00:19:38,177 Dude, you didn't take advantage of a drunk chick. 482 00:19:39,846 --> 00:19:41,047 Mom must be slipping. 483 00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:44,651 All I got was no TV, video games or computer. 484 00:19:44,684 --> 00:19:45,752 I have to clean all 485 00:19:45,785 --> 00:19:47,487 the kitchen and bathroom tile with a toothbrush, 486 00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:49,256 wash every window in the house 487 00:19:49,289 --> 00:19:52,492 and change Jamie's diaper for the next six months, but... 488 00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:54,994 No, you got, like, nine other things 489 00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:56,329 after you passed out. 490 00:19:56,363 --> 00:19:58,231 You have got to do something, Lois. 491 00:19:58,265 --> 00:20:01,067 Piama just asked me for a ride to the bus station. 492 00:20:01,100 --> 00:20:02,902 I thought you didn't want me to interfere. 493 00:20:02,935 --> 00:20:05,605 Okay, I take back everything I said. 494 00:20:05,638 --> 00:20:09,108 You can interfere as much as you want-- just fix it! 495 00:20:09,141 --> 00:20:10,076 Well... 496 00:20:10,109 --> 00:20:11,444 I'm ready. 497 00:20:14,614 --> 00:20:17,450 Piama, there's just one thing I want to say. 498 00:20:17,484 --> 00:20:19,752 I know that breaking up is painful, 499 00:20:19,786 --> 00:20:22,855 but I think in the long run, you'll find it's for the best. 500 00:20:22,889 --> 00:20:25,358 For the best? Well, Francis, let's be serious. 501 00:20:25,392 --> 00:20:27,394 This marriage never had a chance. 502 00:20:27,427 --> 00:20:29,028 I just think that you'll be 503 00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:31,631 better friends once you're divorced. 504 00:20:31,664 --> 00:20:33,600 Who said we're getting divorced? 505 00:20:33,633 --> 00:20:34,934 I love Francis! 506 00:20:34,967 --> 00:20:36,736 FRANCIS: You can't stand to see anyone happy, 507 00:20:36,769 --> 00:20:38,037 can you, Mom? 508 00:20:38,070 --> 00:20:39,138 Come on, honey, 509 00:20:39,171 --> 00:20:40,239 let's go get my things. 510 00:20:40,273 --> 00:20:41,741 They're out in the trash. 511 00:20:41,774 --> 00:20:42,942 Sorry, honey. 512 00:20:42,975 --> 00:20:45,378 That's okay, sweetie. 513 00:20:45,412 --> 00:20:48,047 Once again, you've underestimated us. 514 00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:49,316 We're not the little 515 00:20:49,349 --> 00:20:52,319 dancing monkeys you thought we were. 516 00:20:53,119 --> 00:20:55,054 Thanks, honey.